How do you draw a smile? Not a picture. Not a sketch. No representation, just the thing itself.
I guess you can’t. That’s not the end of the world I suppose. Bring it in, and then let it go.
Even these entries I can feel my ego working as a politician. Planning the value it can reek from these words. Sad that it feels obligated to resort to such desires. Ironic as well. It’s only when I write freely does something truly beautiful emerge.
Emerge. Interesting word choice. Not create, but emerge. Similar to unsurfaced. This implies it was always there, just hidden.
So, let’s get rolling.
I create my world yet hold to the illusion that I passively interpret it. That I find it, analyze it, and output. This is true if you live by the ego’s will. By its rule book. And so I say don’t, but I know I do.
And everyone does to an extent, or maybe entirely, I don’t know. Because in the very nature of existing lies the disillusion that we are anything more than a fabrication. And since you are god, so is your creation. So everything you know is wrong.
You are the ego. The person writing right now is the ego. The interpreter behind those eyes of yours is the ego.
Try following an object’s border with your eyes. Don’t jump from one significant point to the next until you’ve made it around the edge. Instead, follow every detail. Trace it one millimeter at a time. It’s funny because you can’t, I wonder why.
The ego, you, god, creates it all. The thing is that the ego doesn’t have to be a part of this equation… but do you know what that implies? The you, or the I, will be erased because it was always creating itself in the first place. And so since it never truly existed means that nothing is truly lost.
But oh no, (and here’s the tricky tricky part), that means everything would be lost. Your beautiful creation would vanish… and yes, you are a part of your own creation.
Can you believe that you gave birth to yourself? Or that you’ve created your own death? I barely can even understand it, and I know it!
So nothing would be lost, yet everything you define as anything would be destroyed. Sounds scary. And although it isn’t, it also is. Sounds impossible. Again, although it isn’t, it also is.
I honestly don’t know the next step from here. I have truth, but no way of turning my knowledge into understanding. No way of shifting principle into practice.
Maybe ego death is the key (don’t worry, that doesn’t imply any type of physical harm). Doing and being in ways your ego can’t tolerate. And although it’s hard to know what that is, just follow your fears… because remember that the ego has many tools to get its way.
Or meditate. Separate from the story that you write for yourself. Detach from the narrative, and attach to your senses as they take in the world you seem to always forget about.
And most of all, you must be cautious. You are a master of illusion and self-deception. So typically if you feel you’re going the right way, just remember, you should probably turn around.