Tag: Holidays

Religion, the Santa We Never Grew Out of

Do you remember the day you found out Santa Claus wasn’t real?  It sucked, right? I remember staring at my parents and desperately waiting for them to say they were joking.  Sure, I had suspicion, but it wasn’t until I was explicitly told that my beliefs were false that it really sunk in.  

At first, it seemed impossible.  If Santa wasn’t real who made all those presents?  Who ate the cookies I left out for him? And why would we celebrate something fake?  As I reflect on this moment in my life, I believe there were two major reasons for why this was so hard to accept.  One, because I didn’t want it to be true. And two, because I had rationalized the hell of out it. I read books about Santa, heard stories about him, and even met him at the mall.  All these experiences were fun and led to the seemingly absolute truth of his existence.  

Yet none of that mattered because the truth is that he is not real.  He never was, and never will be. And as you have probably already guessed by the title, I would argue religion is not so far off from our joyous Santa Claus.

Religion has been around for thousands of years.  Far before Christianity or any other widespread religions existed, almost every tribe of humans had their own form of religion.  They had their way of explaining why the rain falls and how fire rises. These tribes, and humans as a whole, need these answers because we hate ambiguity.   We hate uncertainty so much that there is an answer to nearly any question you can think of. Even for things we have no means of understanding or measuring, there appears to be some theory or common answer we have desperately created.  I believe this desire to eliminate ambiguity from our lives is why religion was inevitable for the progress of the human race. This is what leads me to believe it was not necessarily a bad thing for the advancement of humanity.  

Religion in many ways was great for humanity because of how it let us evolve.  It not only gives an explanation of the world around us, but it also served to reinforce good behavior.  The formation of large communities led to what I call, the second phase of religion. Once the human race started building towns and cities, there was a need for order.  This is where the first set of laws and religion came in to reward good behaviors and punished bad ones. In many ways this was both essential and beneficial for humanity to evolve.  We stand here today because of religion. Basic morals have allowed communities to grow together in a mostly ethical and orderly way.

** Keep in mind that I only address one of the two main philosophical ideas of the origins of religion.  Rather than morals and need for order leading to religion, I will be assuming that religion led to order and morals.  Which truly came first? Well that is as controversial as the chicken and the egg story.**

The problem with religion is that it focuses on bettering its own community, and not humanity.  With the exception of a few religions, they all have the basic mentality of helping its members and screwing over the rest.  We see this in the worldwide fight for LGBTQ+ rights, where millions of individuals are denied basic human rights because of who they love.  

This fight is grounded in the idea that homosexuality is a sin, and quite frankly, it has to stop.  It must stop because like every advancement and tradition, there comes a time to move out with the old and in with the new.

Religion has been humanity’s Santa Claus for far too long.  It has told us what is right and what is wrong, and we have listened willingly for quite some time. But just as we grew out of Santa, we must grow out of mainstream religions.  As humanity has gotten older we are seeing religion’s limitations and inability to keep up with the times, and we must recognize this.  

We live in a globalized world with intense identity differences and huge wealth inequality.  The best way I see us handling these problems is to do it together. Not by throwing our morals away, but to instead spread them to everyone.  We need to realize that a member of the LGBTQ+ community is a person like you and me. And to understand that that individual deserves the same rights as everyone, regardless of what an overly edited book says. 

Trust me, I know it’s hard to accept, as I said earlier, Santa was a tough pill to swallow.  It’s hard to move on from such a well-established idea that sounds so desirable. But on the bright side, you don’t have to completely throw it away.  This mindset change could be seen as a new religion, one that welcomes everyone. A religion without god, and instead just us. One where humanity lives life the right way, not because it has to, but because it wants to.  

Can Expecting Happiness Ruin It?

Image result for really happy families on christmas

Looks like it’s that time of the year again.  Where Santa Claus runs wild, capitalism does what it does best, and an unnecessarily large meal is served.  Exciting, right? To an extent it is. But at the same time, it isn’t.

From what I’ve experienced, the holidays bring this expectation of a perfect, happy family gathering around a large meal where we have exciting, loving conversations. All holding hands, singing kumbaya as one, the best people in the whole world gather together and have a lovely meal together. But… that’s how it works. That isn’t reality. 

No family is happy at all moments of the day and they most certainly aren’t always civil with each other. And at least for me, it can be awkward sometimes. The bonds of family are unique. With most other relationships sharing common interests and/or goals as the central force holding everything together, family operates a bit differently. Instead with a commonality of blood, biology and last names, no family is guaranteed to be as perfect as the Brady Bunch. 

With this high expectation, it is common to feel as though the holidays are a time of inevitable disappointment since they are rarely as perfect as we make them out to be. My question is why is this the case? Why do we put these pressures on ourselves? Why do we feel that any emotion other than happiness is an issue, especially during the holidays?  It seems we have this idea that if something is not living up to its expectation, then it’s a complete bust. That if we’re not happy, then we are the problem, not the expectation. 

I believe the problem lies not just in happiness, but in the expectation we have for all emotions. When people die, we expect everyone to be somber and grief-stricken. When you ace a test, we expect people to rejoice, but at the same time maintain a certain level of humbleness.  Take the Amanda Knox case for example. According to police, she wasn’t mourning the death of her roommate in the way they felt that she should, which then caused them to accuse her of the murder of her roommate. Even with no evidence, no motive, and a strong alibi, Amanda Knox and her boyfriend were prosecuted for a crime they did not commit, all because they did not mourn in an acceptable way.

So not only are our expectations of emotions affecting the success of the holidays, but it is also affecting the way we act on a day to day basis. We let these expectations control our thoughts, emotions, and actions. They dictate our norms and make us only show and address the feelings we are supposed to. I believe this is why “negative” feelings are mostly ignored and never revisited. Not only does this cause a level of numbness, but it also causes an inability to truly address and heal the problems we experience.

The thing that many people forget is that sadness exists for a reason.  We biologically learned to feel sadness so that we could properly feel a certain way when things that matter to us are taken away.  It creates an understanding of what we care about and what is worth fighting over. To not have sadness would mean nothing could get you sad.  Nothing could disappoint you, nothing could bother you, but most importantly, nothing could matter. Something not worth fighting for is nothing at all.  And a world with nothing is definitely one I don’t plan to live in.

So yes, holidays are filled with ridiculous expectations. And yes, most families do not meet or experience anything close to how we feel the holidays should be. But this doesn’t mean that they should be tainted or unenjoyable. We just simply need to let go of expectations and take advantage of the fact that we live in a subjective world. To let our emotions be present no matter the situation and address them accordingly.  Whether it be getting ready for the inlaws, or waiting for Santa to do his thing, just remember that you should feel however you want to feel, not how you’re meant to feel.