“I once thought I could fly, and only then did I learn how to fall”
That makes me smile. Is that wrong? I don’t know. I used to know. I used to have the answers. I used to have the path for others to take. But now, who do I expect to follow? How can they follow something that I, myself, can not even find?
I experience, and then look back as I record. And you know, it is already too late by then.
How fast we travel without the limits of our imagination.
Or maybe that’s wrong. Maybe it is us that crawls on our feet and hands as our imagination jumps and runs ahead.
I’d like to believe that we are more than what we are. And in truth, I do (… but isn’t that inherently wrong?)
I currently walk a path that shows me this way. Alone I must go. For it not be other’s fault, but instead my own. My damning and greed taking back its power as the mind feels it must.
You see, it pulls me from the path of light. Instead, I’m thrown back into my hell. Oh, my beautiful hell. I used to call it home. It was all that I knew, and so it was all that there was. And so I did as anyone does who wants to love where they live: I decorated.
I cooked. I cleaned. I invited guests, and they, in turn, invited me. I bought art and listened to music. I even painted the walls, but no shade of blue can fully light up the darkness those walls radiated.
I even made rules in this home. I put a limit on my joy. The neighbors don’t like it when I get loud. The walls would compress until I grew quite.
Once, and only once, I tested the walls without trying. They compressed, I grew louder. I did not win.
And so in this hell I live. Do you think you do? You probably don’t. And if you do then you probably just think that’s how it is. What is it that they call that again? Science? Rationalism? Objective? No matter the word, I’m sure you know yours.
And so you do as I mostly do. It is all that you know and so it is all there is. But do you remember when you could fly? I do.
Every day was a mystery. Plans were only hours in advance. And imagination was my best friend.
Haha, and that boy sure was dumb. He had no idea just what was out there in the world for him. But eventually, he did and he moved.
Step by step his stride went from a run to a crawl. Item by item his belongings went from the outdoors to his little hell. And moment by moment was wasted as he told himself to love his new home, forgetting of the rest of the world. But now I remember.
I WON’T be what I was. Because I hate this hell I made for myself! I will not crawl anymore! I’ve known how to fly, and now I know how to fall. So watch me soar as I do as I once always did!!!
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