In life, we have a choice with the pain we endure: Mind over matter or obtain power to move matter. In other words, when we desire something another way, we can either change our preference or change that something into our preference. If I don’t like how I look, do I tell myself I look amazing, or do I work out/use makeup? If I wish to be wealthier, do I lower my expectations or do I try to earn more revenue? These two options both address the issue of not meeting one’s goals by either changing the goals to meet reality or changing reality to meet the goals. Not necessarily conscious expectations, or even good expectations, they guide us into believing what we should or should not be/do.
These two solutions of course lead to a third possibility. One can choose to do neither. In doing so, the pain that one feels for not reaching their preferences will turn into suffering. It is to say that one desires more, but never tries to get more. To want to be better, but never learn how to do so. Doing neither is a petty game. It leads to self-doubt, blaming, and feeling like the world is against you. Therefore, I highly recommend you do one, either is better than neither.
Connecting this idea with that of the current social movements that are occurring, there appears to be a growing acceptance of changing matter over mind in ways not commonly accepted. This complication is that the “matter” to change is typically someone else’s mind. With the classical United States slogan of, you get what you earn on trial, there seems to be a growing consciousness for how difficult that is for some people. And the complications that come when one feels that the thing needing change is how others see/treat them. Blending the two options into one, these movements strive to validate the struggles that people of color, LGBTQ+, women, and so forth, experience by stating that they no longer need to change their mindset, but that others do instead. That racism is not just a black person’s problem. It is not just a stereotype to get over, but instead a factor that molds you unless it is actively fought against. Attempting to end fat-shaming, rape culture, victim-blaming (to name a few more), these movements are trying to bring the solution as something others must do, rather than a mindset to suppress.
The issue that follows with this is that unless one agrees and sees the struggles that these people endure, then they will never care to change their ways for others. To add to this difference in opinion, many will define changing another’s mind to improve the life of someone else as mental enslavement by stripping away one’s freedom to believe what they believe. And so the rebuttal becomes that the better solution is to change one’s mindset. To not let the forms of privilege control you. To allow a color blindness if you will. This too is of course narrow-sighted and fails to recognize the intensity of these pressures and systems that guide us to even a point we ourselves can not see/control. Which makes “fixing” far more difficult and complicated than most people would like to admit (Don’t believe me? Follow the link). Round and round the circle goes.
Another corollary from this idea is what people mean when they talk about, “Letting go of their dreams” when growing up. It sounds depressing at first, but it’s actually a solution that one commonly finds when they age out of their youth. Finding a positive correlation between growing older and increased mental health, the same researchers found a negative correlation with growing older and striving for purpose/growth (Mackenzie & Karaoylas & Starzyk, 2018). It would appear that as we get older many of us lose the ability to use our power over the world to fit our needs. Therefore, in our subtle desperation to remain at ease, we learn to instead change our mindset. And this makes sense. If you want to be stronger, then eventually going to the gym will not be as helpful as it once was in your twenties. If you strive to be a billionaire but then realize your career path has plateaued, being satisfied with what you have may be a better course of action.
Failing to recognize these two options in life can be scary. As said at the beginning of this post, if neither solution is chosen then suffering shall surely endure. By both not accepting how things are or changing them to be what you hope for is something I hope nobody goes through, yet so many of us do. Sometimes so quiet that we may not even admit to ourselves, it seems that we ruthlessly suffer at our own failure to take physical or mental action. Can you smile when you look at yourself naked in front of a mirror? Does sober sex with the lights on make you shake? Is your job all that you hope for? How about your partner? Do you love who your child is becoming? And do you love who you have become? Do long car rides make you think? And if so, do you ever need to drown those thoughts out with the radio?
I’m not trying to scare you. Or harm you in any way. All I am saying is that we seem to suffer in many ways every day and it’s not until we face this problem that we can then decide how to fix it. Neither solution always being more right than the other, either is better than neither. So you decide, mind over matter, matter to mind, or let the “imperfect world” control you.
Citation:
Mackenzie, C. S., Karaoylas, E. C., & Starzyk, K. B. (2018). Lifespan differences in a self determination theory model of Eudaimonia: A cross-sectional survey of younger, middle-aged, and older adults. Journal of Happiness Studies: An Interdisciplinary Forum on Subjective Well-Being, 19(8), 2465–2487. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-017-9932-4